Mirror...Mirror..On the wall..

Image retrieved from www.etsy.com

Mirror...Mirror...On the wall, who is the prettiest of them all? For many it would be nice to travel to one of Disney's fairy tales to envision being the prettiest in the entire land. Lets fast forward to 2016 where we receive MEDIA in overload. MEDIA does not discriminate when it comes to projecting various images of beauty for individuals. MEDIA comes in forms of Movies, Reality TV Shows, YouTube Videos, Social Media, Online Newspaper Articles, etc.

 As individuals, we contribute to how society view BEAUTY by projecting what is considered "PRETTY" with social medias such as Snapchat, Facebook, and Instagram to name a few.  We constantly hear all the time what and how we should look. For example, you need to be the size of a Runway Model. Some might say you are too fat, you are too light or too dark, your hair looks better straight, or you need to be like Ashley (Sorry to all the Ashley out there). We hear all type of standards of beauty from media, friends, associates, and families.

I want you to examine your self-esteem. For instance, what do you think of yourself? Are you pretty? Do you like your height, weight, hair, smile, etc.? Where do you form your idea(s) of beauty? Is it from your friends, family, the popular clique, reality shows, etc.? Now write all of these examples of BEAUTY on index cards or a piece of paper. I want you to read them aloud until you get to the final characteristic. TEAR up each index card or list and throw them in the garbage.

Today, you will start ANEW. You will disregard this previous list of beauty and begin to LOVE yourself. It is time to begin saying daily affirmation to yourself that promote your inner beauty. Simply say things like...I am beautiful!.. I love myself!. I am who I want to be!! Write LOVE NOTES to yourself or begin an AFFIRMATION journal. You can also make a BEAUTY COLLAGE. Next, REJECT any images that you do not believe are an image of BEAUTY, REMOVE yourself from those individuals who project images that you do not hold, stop watching MEDIA which does not mirror the BEAUTY you see in yourself, and STOP shaming others who you deemed are not "BEAUTIFUL".  Try this for a couple of months and return to that beautiful mirror in your room and say the following:

Mirror...Mirror...On the wall, who is the prettiest of them all?

BULLYING IN THE WORKPLACE

 
How many people have experienced bullying in the workplace? Surprisingly, a great deal of people will raise their hands. There are books and studies which reports an increase in workplace bullying over the years. People are leaving their current positions or certain professions in great numbers. A wonderful quote that I came across was," Employees do not quit their jobs but quit their employers." Bullying is one sure behavior that will increase incidences of high turnover rates, grievances, or lawsuits. 

*Retrieved from Safebee.com

According to the Webster Dictionary, bullying is one habitually cruel to others who are weaker. Supervisors may engage in dirty tactics using psychological warfare towards their employees. These psychological warfares consist of the following:

• Physical Environments - Make demands on the environment in order to make it stressful and unbearable where an employee will quit. For example, changing the work demands in someone's job description (e.g., workload, hours, work space, immediate supervisor, etc.).
• Personal Attacks - This will consists of verbal and nonverbal tactics to make someone feel uncomfortable. A person will use manipulation, inappropriate comments, make implications (e.g., employees' credibility, performance, and intelligence level), refuse to listen to a particular employee, and avoid making eye contact.
• Threats & Intimidations - Use words to apply pressure on a person in order to make them conform and give warnings. This usually leads to escalation in interactions where the "flight or fleet" concepts are used which most likely produces counter threats from employees.
  • Falsifying Documents - Persons may build a case against the employee by falsifying documents such as the numbers of tardies/absences, disciplinary actions, and job evaluations to cause termination.
    
    
    
    

    

    *Retrieved from Chicago Tribune.

  
  
  Working in conditions that display bullying behaviors can greatly impact one's psyche. Some people come out better than others from these situations depending on the intensity, frequency of the bullying, and the length of time working in these conditions. Also, coping strategies used by individuals during these adversary situations will play a huge role in their outcomes. These environments can leave a person feeling incompetent, and having health problems such as hypertension, anxiety, and migraines. The average person spends 40 hours and more at their employment so it is imperative to work in a positive atmosphere. Hence, one should make active changes in their work environment particularly when it impedes their well-being.
  
  
  There are some lessons to learn from this situation. First, challenges are necessary to make growth socially, emotionally, spiritually, and behaviorally. Challenges remind a person what areas they made progress and areas he or she needs to make improvements.  For instances, if you gain weight during this stressful situation perhaps coping better by eating healthier and exercising. Take these experiences as guidance on what were some Do's and Dont's for all parties involved.
  
  To all those SUPERVISORS out there....Remember promises and oaths made when you embarked in this leadership position. Being a leader is a Privilege and a calling to make a DIFFERENCE. Do not Misuse your power!! Most importantly, play nice in the sandbox!!!
  
  Employees should identify their self-worth and stances on various ethical dilemmas. Always remember to pick your battles. What are the consequences and gains? How will my decision(s) affect others? Is it worth it? In addition, it is critical to keep ongoing documentation of everything that occur at your workplace because it maybe needed later. Learn EMPLOYEES' RIGHTS especially labor laws and become familiar with any contracts. Identify when to consult a labor union representative. The ultimate decision is to decide how to respond to bullying such as whether or not to continue to resolve it professionally, file a grievance, acquire a lawyer, or quit. Finally, make a decision and do not look back!!
  
  

  

  *Retrieved form Baahitv.com

  
  
  Resources
  
  
  Illinois department of labor - https://www.illinois.gov/idol/Pages/default.aspx
  
  
  Equal Employment Opportunity of Commission - https://www.eeoc.gov
  
  
  Stop Bullying - http://www.stopbullying.gov/laws/illinois.html

THE EVOLUTION OF BULLYING: PAST TO PRESENT

*Retrieved from en.tmci.me/copyright by eschooltoday

Remember the phrase, "Snitches get stitches" heard on the playground growing up? In the past, bullying was when boys or girls wrote nasty comments on bathroom stalls about a person. A boy pulling a girl's bra in the hallway during a passing period. Or a popular jock spreading rumors that he had sex with a particular girl. There were incidences of violence by students but they were much fewer then it is now. Today, bullying techniques are displayed on a forum which is more visible and shared with a larger number of people. Also, we see more incidences of violence by both victims and bullies. Some examples are when a student's hair is cut by another peer, guns and other weapons are brought to school, and students posting suicide notes or videos on Social Media because they are being bullied.

How can we STOP bullying? There are many things we as STUDENTS, PARENTS, and ADULTS can do to STOP this problem. First we, need to understand the problem.

The Cycle of Bullying

The Victim- An individual or a couple of people who are being victimized by a person, pair, or group of people for a particular reason.
Bystanders- People who witness the bullying and take a stands to stop the incident from taking place.
Passive Bystanders- Individuals who witness the bullying but do nothing to stop it.
Followers- Friends of the bully who help carry out bullying behaviors/acts.
The Bully- This is a person or a number of persons who target victim(s) using bullying behaviors such as exclusion/isolation, harassment, intimidation, gossiping, and spreading rumors to name a few.

The bully will use the tactic of Exclusion/Isolation. This is when the bully exclude a particular person(s) from a group for a number of reasons. For example a clique will make a pack amongst themselves to exclude various girls from hanging out with them. Another example is when a group use a LIST to exclude others based on characteristics such as being "Ugly", "Emo", "Geeks", or "THOTs" (Those Hos over There). Another tactic being used is Harassment and Intimidation. This is where a person or group takes items from another student, and bother them in class such as constantly hitting or touching. Also, they may say mean things deliberately to not be heard by the teacher. There are incidences where harassment occur from previous friends of the victim where these friends send anonymous and threatening texts. Gossiping and Spreading Rumors continues to exist to this day. This technique is discussed at school by traditional word of mouth, texts, and spreading rumors in chat rooms. Social Media has exacerbate bullying to a new level of attacking, belittling, and disrespecting where individuals show a lack of remorse for engaging in bullying behaviors. Social Media that may be used are Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, Tumblr, and many more. Also, students use various Apps such as Kirk Messenger, GroupMe, and WhatsApp to name a few. Many of these apps are free, provide unlimited messages, have no restriction on lengths, texts will not show up on individual's phones and these apps are hard to monitor by parents. Lastly, bullies will use Social Media to post videos and pictures of people without their consent.

We all have a role in the cycle of bullying. WE have a choice to make whether or not to ignore, exacerbate the problem, or to stand up. Being knowledgeable of these bullying tactics are detrimental on all those involved......victims.....bullies....bystanders.......passive bystanders...followers, etc., for many reasons. Simply, because we can stop anxiety, social separation, vulnerability, and death of people. We all have a RESPONSIBILITY to help stop bullying. Which Choice will you make?

VISIT THE FOLLOWING LINK TO LEARN MORE ON HOW TO STOP BULLYING.....

*Retrieved form Parentingteenagersacademy.com

https://www.thinglink.com/scene/396874636471566336#tlsite

IS IT SIMPLY THE BLUES?

*Retrieved from Pinterest - Tears of Sadness/Joy

The "blues" can derive from one to many things manifested in someone's life. You may experience a recent breakup, get laid off from your employment of 5 years, get into an argument with a friend, or you failed a major exam. For some, having the "blues" can last for hours to days. Someone with the “blues” might experience sadness longer than expected where he or she cannot simply get over it. The question becomes…Is it simply the blues?

Some people, are wondering what can it be. It is a 10 letter word that is hard for many to say aloud, admit a relative may have it or let alone fabricate having it themselves. It is DEPRESSION (Major Depression). This disorder does not discriminate and it affects anyone regardless of age, gender, racial, and cultural backgrounds.

There are some things to look for to determine whether or not Depression maybe the root of your problem(s). (Note: this is not an exhaustive list and you should always seek immediate help!) 

• Sleep Patterns-  Some people may have problems falling asleep, staying awake, sleeping less or more.

• Appetite- Individuals may stop eating or eat excessively. 

• Energy level- A person may complain of being tired and not performing in their daily activities.

• Interest level- Some people may not desire to participate in their normal routines. 

• Hopelessness- A person may have a negative viewpoint where nothing good will happen and/or having suicidal thoughts. 

• Body Symptoms- Individuals may report experiencing headaches, stomach aches, body aches, etc. 

Here are some resources to consider if you feel like you or someone maybe experiencing Depression. First, contact your medical doctor and set up an appointment. Secondly, identify a support group (e.g., parents, friends, teachers, social workers, mentors, etc.) to help you during this ordeal. Spend time doing positive and healthy activities such as coloring, listening to relaxing music, and exercising. There are a couple of hotline numbers to call when an EMERGENCY arise. For example, you can call the National Hopeline Network at 1-800-784-2433 and the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. In addition, the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) is a great website with a plethora of resources. It is critical to follow up with recommendations made by your medical doctor and to continue using available resources during this time. Keep in mind to seek immediate help when needed for yourself or a love one!! As always, peace be with you!!

Why Counseling?

There are many reasons why an individual should pursue counseling. Counseling is another avenue for individuals to work with an expert in order to overcome many daily stressors one may have in their life. Counseling can address a wide range of concerns from SMALL to BIG. This in itself is based on one's perspective. What I deemed to be a BIG challenge may be considered small to the next person. Some people pursue counseling to address a recent loss of a love one, Depression, feeling lost in determining their goals in life, and struggling behaviorally at school. The process of counseling is not to be viewed as TRIVIAL. Counseling is a time to collaborate with an expert, find ways to cope, develop a different outlook on a problem(s), and ultimately make GROWTH.

There are some key things to consider when seeking counseling:

1). Why are you pursuing counseling? Begin with, self-reflecting on why you are interested in counseling. For example, one may need help with developing and maintaining healthy relationships.

2). What are some things you would like to get out of counseling? Be HONEST when you ask yourself this question!!

3). RESEARCH THERAPISTS NEAR YOU. This consists of learning potential therapists' experience when working with various populations (e.g., cultural groups, adolescents, older adults, etc.), specialty areas (e.g., Mental Health, Autism, Trauma, Sexual Abuse, etc.), education levels, and therapy approaches, etc.

4).  It is a Trial and Error Process. Sometimes you will not mesh well with a therapist. This is perfectly fine. Not everyone will find their perfect wedding dress or house on the first try. Keep looking and engage in counseling sessions until you find the right one. At no time, should you give up because your ideal therapist is just around the corner so to speak! 

5). Determine how much time you are willing to put into the counseling process. Realistically counseling is not a quick fix that will occur overnight. There is no magical wand that the therapist will pull out during sessions in order to cure your problems. If this was the case we would be Billionaires!

Good luck on finding your perfect match... Therapist!!

TRY TO BE A RAINBOW IN SOMEONE'S CLOUD!

I wanted to become the quote that I had the luxury of hearing from Maya Angelou---"Try to be a rainbow in someone's cloud". As you can imagine, she articulated this phrase more eloquently then I can possible do. My private practice offer a group of services that I have spent my entire career providing and/or ensuring for students. Most importantly, I wanted these services to become available in order to help a wide range of people who reside in or near the surrounding Western Suburbs of Chicago. These services are therapy, educational assessments/testing, parenting classes, and professional development opportunities to name a few. Please visit my website to learn more about my practice. http://amismeli.wixsite.com/lcswservices. Lastly, feel free to continue reading my blog in order to follow my journey, learn available resources to help others or yourself. 

WELCOME

It is a pleasure to share my experiences with the entire world. This has been a long time in development. I imagined opening a private practice as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker since 2006. Throughout the years, I worked in residential facilities, foster care, early interventions, private practice, and educational settings. No matter how my life changed or I obtained a new license, opening my own private practice has always resonated with me. So, now I am here.

                                                           **image retrieved from superbsongs.wordpress.com