TO COPE OR NOT TO COPE?

There are many influences that comes into play when coping with stressors in life. Our family plays a significant role in how we cope with everyday stress. We learn from our parents. If our parents responded to stress by withdrawing it is natural we develop this coping strategy as we mature. How about other role models in your life? Did they deal with stress by screaming or heightened all problems as emergencies? Most likely, you emulate techniques seen by adults in your life to resolve your problems. Those who have medical diagnoses will require additional techniques to successfully handle challenges. Regardless of underlying factors, it is important to develop healthy coping strategies.

Triggers

Commonly people crash and burn during crises simply because of involved trigger(s). Triggers are things such as events, people, places, and memories to name a few. Depending on the individual these triggers can cause mild to severe responses. Triggers are as small as stressing out about classes, sleep deprived, procrastinating with job duties, and being frustrated. Some other triggers which may cause some challenges are having low self-worth, questioning sexuality, and anxiety. Let say you experienced infidelity in a relationship which resulted in contracting a sexually transmitted disease. This trigger can result in various responses and the individual may or may not cope well. Another example is when someone experienced a recent death of a loved one or witnessed a violent crime. Therefore, identify ways to cope with these stressors will make a world of difference for whomever dealing with these triggers. 

Coping Strategies

How will I identify coping strategies? Most likely, you already have an idea of things that have already helped you to cope. It is helpful to ask yourself whether or not the coping strategies were healthy. In addition, think of many coping strategies to address your mental, physical, social, and behavioral functioning. There are things a person can mentally do to cope such as attending therapy, listening to music, reading, taking a nap, and listing ten positive qualities about themselves. To cope physically, a person can exercise, take deep breaths, use movement breaks, and paint. Next, it is important to develop coping strategies to help socially such as talking to friends, turning off all electronics (This is correct!), and attending NA/AA meetings. Some things a person should do behaviorally to cope is to use fidgets, journaling, attend group therapy, use positive self-talk, and smell a relaxing scent. 

Disadvantages

Some examples of unhealthy coping strategies may be going through your head as you read this. You may at some point presently or in the past partaken in these techniques. Many high risk strategies such as self-injurious behaviors, being promiscuous, and using drugs are considered unhealthy coping strategies. By using these techniques, the person receives temporary gratification, put a delay in addressing problems and achieving positive outcomes. People may use other methods of isolation, self-blaming, self-criticizing, and other distorted thinking which impedes their self-esteem as well as other interpersonal relationships. Subsequently, the person should refrain from engaging in unhealthy coping mechanisms and shift towards more active coping to promote lasting results. 

Advantages

Using healthy coping strategies allow the person to deal with different levels of problems with better success. As times goes on, life becomes easier when you are able to develop and utilize active coping strategies. For example, the person will have less medical concerns where (he, she, they) will decrease in medical visits. Individuals will find themselves relaxing more where taking breaks will be the norm, staying in the moment, and utilizing more self-care. Next, the person will have more vitality for things. Individuals will have improvements in interactions with themselves and others. Individuals will see a difference in how to approach life, show self-love, socialize, and engage in other relationships. Lastly, the inner self will have more peace with life than ever before. 

Consequences

Individuals who refuse to use coping strategies will face some level of  consequences. For example, using words or statements in situations which does not warrant an emergency response. This includes when a person states (he, she, they) are going to kill myself. In reality, the person is only angry and (he, she, they) do not have any intentions of doing so. This potentially puts the person in the situation of being assessed for mental health services and/or others minimizing the person’s actions based on the regularity of the comments. How about being around Complaining Colin or Negative Nancy? Who really wants to be around someone who complains all the time? A person exhibiting these behaviors may become ostracized by their peers. Some other consequences a person may experience are feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and unmotivated. Some severe triggers may lead the person to lose control, become hospitalized, and potentially die. It is very imperative to develop and maintain healthy coping strategies in life. 

It begins with….

With all that being said, you have to make an informed decision on whether to cope or not to cope. Simply being reactive to adversaries does nothing but exacerbate problems. It takes away your voice and power you possess in any situation. Lastly, your future self will appreciate your choice if you make the decision to cope differently.  

"PROBLEMS ARE NOT THE PROBLEM; COPING IS THE PROBLEM"

- VIRGINIA SATIR

                   

Improving Your Mental Health Status

Having a stable mental health is very important and it is helpful to have in the game of life. There are many mantras to hold as you embark on this journey of building your mental health.  

Retrieved from https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/how-to-become-a-meditation-teacher/ Photo by Stocksy (Pinterest)

Be a Better Version

Being healthy is vital to maintaining your mental health. To be a better version of you involves taking care of your basic needs such as getting enough sleep, drinking plenty of water, exercising, and  eating healthy. Many may read this and say, “I do not have enough time!” All of these tasks are achievable if you take time out to improve your time management andutilize planning. Let dive a little deeper to determine how to execute a routine to stay healthy. We spend at least 6 to 10 hours a day working. In addition, we have other factors to add to the equation such as family, school, another employment, children, social activities, and many more. With that said, identify things you can do throughout your day to become healthier. Perhaps, using breaks at work for walking and staying active. Also, allocating time for planning healthy meals and setting priorities for weekly tasks. Be like the Jones and purchase an expensive water bottle to increase your water intake. Take the time to be a better version of you. You got this!

Relax & Release

Having time for self-care will encourage a better you. It will help align your mind, body, and spirit. Be selfish and take time out for self-care. So, allocate time throughout your day to relax and actually do things you plan. Some simple things you can do is to take a quick nap, get a facial, pedicure/manicure, watch your favorite TV show,  and read a book to name a few. You can make it more enjoyable by including significant others, children, friends, and other in this time. For example, you can engage in a Date Night by going to the nearest spa, a Girls’ Night to catch up on the latest Netflix’s movie or put the children down for a nap while including yourself. Your inner circle will be thankful because you are very relaxed and a better person. 

Reclaim Your Internal Dialogue

A great deal of people have internal dialogue which promote disasters, and roadblocks in their lives. People have conversations in their head that are self-criticizing, and  negative. You might  

Retrieved from http://www.powerfulnonsense.com/why-you-need-to-start-throwing-negative-thoughts-away-literally/

find yourself saying, “I am stupid! I need to lose 35 more pounds. Why can’t I be like Michaela? (By the way, who is Michaela?) Why try? He will never be interested in me.” By using these negative conversations we tend to stifle our confidence and motivation. It is imperative to shift from using self-criticizing as much as possible. Try using self-compassion instead of using self-criticizing. Self-Compassion is being kind to yourself with words or thoughts, using compliments, and showing more love to yourself. Some examples are praising yourself when you accomplished a task, writing love letters to yourself, and saying things which brings you gratitude. In addition, it is helpful to use positive affirmations in your internal dialogue and you will be surprise how much it will change your perspective. 

To Cope or Not To Cope?

Take time to find healthy outlets to cope with stressors in life. Everyone should have a list of coping strategies to reference to when life throws curve balls. How do you cope? What are some grounding techniques you use when faced with intense emotions? You may need to reflect on coping strategies you currently use during a crisis. Did they successfully worked? There are many healthy coping strategies around to help relieve stress and become centered throughout the day. Some examples are listening to music, coloring, painting, attending a Zumba or Yoga class, praying, attending church, volunteering, taking a bath, or going for a run. The goal is to identify as many strategies as you can so you can get in a habit of practicing and using them regularly. 

We are Family

Who said you have to do it all? This is simply unrealistic and harmful. Doing it all prevent you from collaborating with your support system, and demonstrating to those around you that seeking help is not necessary in life. Who wants to spend time worrying about other tasks on the “To do list”? I encourage you to utilize your support system (e.g., relatives, friends, sorority sisters, etc.) to accomplish things you have to do in your everyday life. Support Systems allow opportunities for socializing, self-care, relaxing, and accomplishing other thing you would normally not do. When you find yourself returning to this old habit remember even Wonder Woman utilized people around her to fight supervillains.  

Retrieved from https://www.sands.org.uk/about-sands/media-centre/news/2018/01/cambridgeshire-sands-group-opens-offer-support-bereaved

DO YOUR PART TO SAVE LIVES

from: https://targetcareers.co.uk/careers-advice/choosing-your-career/385829-i-want-a-career-helping-people-what-are-my-options

Recently, various medias are reporting ongoing announcements about the rise of suicide. Suicide affects people directly and indirectly. For example, you may had a relative who committed suicide. Perhaps, you knew a classmate who committed suicide. The odds of being closely affected by suicide is greatly increasing. Hopefully, you are troubled by the record numbers of suicide, moved to help decrease these incidences, and simply want to do more to help. Whatever your motivation…A united front is required from everyone to save lives. 

Warning Signs

There are some warning signs to look for when discussing suicide. The more knowledgeable you become the better you will see these signs to help yourself and/or someone else. Always seek help for yourself and/or love ones if you witness these signs.

• Talking about wanting to die, death, committing suicide, or killing themselves

• Researching ways to kill themselves (e.g., Internet, books, movies, etc.)

• Purchase items to kill themselves (e.g., guns, ropes, etc.)

• Talking about being hopeless or not having any reasons to live

• Talking about being trapped, defeated, or having unbearable pain

• Talking about being a burden to others

• The person increase their usage of alcohol or drugs

• Behavioral changes — anxiety, agitated, rage, or reckless behaviors

• Changes in sleep (e.g, increase or decrease)

• Withdrawing behaviors 

• Talking about seeking a revenge

Do Your Part

See Something…Say Something: It is critical to take the stance of See Something…Say Something when dealing with comments, written texts, pictures, and jokes made by a person. This means if a persons says, “I am not going to be here tomorrow because I cannot take it any more! Man, I was just joking. I am really not going to do anything.” Perhaps, you see a quote on Snapchat about death from one of your friends. Another example is when a coworker is having problems in their relationship, and he/she talks about seeking a revenge. It is fine to say something to an adult, local authorities, and professionals to get the person the help they need. This will allow you to do to your part in extending a helping hand to someone in need, providing assistances to someone unsure as to what they should do, and ultimately to save lives. 

Ask Questions: Spending time with our love ones is a necessary pastime to engage in discussions and to ask questions. We have to ensure people know they matter and we want to hear their Truth. Also, ask questions in a safe environment where the person can be heard, provide a listening ear, and support during this process. You want to follow up on things you have seen or heard from the person. This includes asking questions about love one’s changes in behaviors and any new found interests. In addition, ask questions about books, movies, social medias, music to have a better understanding about things they have felt and/or are feeling. Please take every responses made by the person very seriously. Lastly, it is perfectly fine to admit you do not know the answers but you will find someone who does.  

Seek Help: There are different levels of seeking help. First, you can immediately seek help by calling 1-800-273-8255 (Suicide Prevention Hotline) or using the online chat. It is critical to seek help from trained experts in this area such as social workers, counselors, therapists, doctors, and psychologists. You can seek help by talking to an adult such as parents, teachers, relatives, or employers. Some other helpful supports are seeking help from someone close to you such as friends, associates, or classmates whom you can confide in about your concerns. Remember it is important to express your feelings, concerns, and anything which led you to needing help. Keep in mind there are no problems big or small, you are not alone, and there are many people who can help you. Finally, there are people who wants to hear your Truth and to support you with your concerns. 

Get Involve: You can be a change agent by getting involved and joining the movement on preventing suicide. Everyone can do their part by getting involved on different levels. You can participate by volunteering, having conversations on the topic, sharing stories, and donating to this cause. Some of you may want to establish a local support group, spreading awareness during Suicide Prevention Month, advocating to schools to have assemblies on the topic, using Social Medias to spread the word, and many more. Keep in mind you have the power to save lives!

Resources

Resources for suicide prevention has evolved tremendously over the years. There are many resources available which are free of charge to provide education, prevention, and support for people. Some websites available are the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, NIMH, and save.org to name a few. In addition, there are trained persons available to talk to about mental health concerns. These websites are as followed: 

• Psychologytoday.com
• MindDiagnostic.org
• Interventions.com
• Amwell.com

Take time to download the MY3 app from the PlayStore and share with others. Lastly, join the suicide movement http://www.bethe1to.com/say-thanks/.

Mirror...Mirror..On the wall..

Image retrieved from www.etsy.com

Mirror...Mirror...On the wall, who is the prettiest of them all? For many it would be nice to travel to one of Disney's fairy tales to envision being the prettiest in the entire land. Lets fast forward to 2016 where we receive MEDIA in overload. MEDIA does not discriminate when it comes to projecting various images of beauty for individuals. MEDIA comes in forms of Movies, Reality TV Shows, YouTube Videos, Social Media, Online Newspaper Articles, etc.

 As individuals, we contribute to how society view BEAUTY by projecting what is considered "PRETTY" with social medias such as Snapchat, Facebook, and Instagram to name a few.  We constantly hear all the time what and how we should look. For example, you need to be the size of a Runway Model. Some might say you are too fat, you are too light or too dark, your hair looks better straight, or you need to be like Ashley (Sorry to all the Ashley out there). We hear all type of standards of beauty from media, friends, associates, and families.

I want you to examine your self-esteem. For instance, what do you think of yourself? Are you pretty? Do you like your height, weight, hair, smile, etc.? Where do you form your idea(s) of beauty? Is it from your friends, family, the popular clique, reality shows, etc.? Now write all of these examples of BEAUTY on index cards or a piece of paper. I want you to read them aloud until you get to the final characteristic. TEAR up each index card or list and throw them in the garbage.

Today, you will start ANEW. You will disregard this previous list of beauty and begin to LOVE yourself. It is time to begin saying daily affirmation to yourself that promote your inner beauty. Simply say things like...I am beautiful!.. I love myself!. I am who I want to be!! Write LOVE NOTES to yourself or begin an AFFIRMATION journal. You can also make a BEAUTY COLLAGE. Next, REJECT any images that you do not believe are an image of BEAUTY, REMOVE yourself from those individuals who project images that you do not hold, stop watching MEDIA which does not mirror the BEAUTY you see in yourself, and STOP shaming others who you deemed are not "BEAUTIFUL".  Try this for a couple of months and return to that beautiful mirror in your room and say the following:

Mirror...Mirror...On the wall, who is the prettiest of them all?

BULLYING IN THE WORKPLACE

 
How many people have experienced bullying in the workplace? Surprisingly, a great deal of people will raise their hands. There are books and studies which reports an increase in workplace bullying over the years. People are leaving their current positions or certain professions in great numbers. A wonderful quote that I came across was," Employees do not quit their jobs but quit their employers." Bullying is one sure behavior that will increase incidences of high turnover rates, grievances, or lawsuits. 

*Retrieved from Safebee.com

According to the Webster Dictionary, bullying is one habitually cruel to others who are weaker. Supervisors may engage in dirty tactics using psychological warfare towards their employees. These psychological warfares consist of the following:

• Physical Environments - Make demands on the environment in order to make it stressful and unbearable where an employee will quit. For example, changing the work demands in someone's job description (e.g., workload, hours, work space, immediate supervisor, etc.).
• Personal Attacks - This will consists of verbal and nonverbal tactics to make someone feel uncomfortable. A person will use manipulation, inappropriate comments, make implications (e.g., employees' credibility, performance, and intelligence level), refuse to listen to a particular employee, and avoid making eye contact.
• Threats & Intimidations - Use words to apply pressure on a person in order to make them conform and give warnings. This usually leads to escalation in interactions where the "flight or fleet" concepts are used which most likely produces counter threats from employees.
  • Falsifying Documents - Persons may build a case against the employee by falsifying documents such as the numbers of tardies/absences, disciplinary actions, and job evaluations to cause termination.
    
    
    
    

    

    *Retrieved from Chicago Tribune.

  
  
  Working in conditions that display bullying behaviors can greatly impact one's psyche. Some people come out better than others from these situations depending on the intensity, frequency of the bullying, and the length of time working in these conditions. Also, coping strategies used by individuals during these adversary situations will play a huge role in their outcomes. These environments can leave a person feeling incompetent, and having health problems such as hypertension, anxiety, and migraines. The average person spends 40 hours and more at their employment so it is imperative to work in a positive atmosphere. Hence, one should make active changes in their work environment particularly when it impedes their well-being.
  
  
  There are some lessons to learn from this situation. First, challenges are necessary to make growth socially, emotionally, spiritually, and behaviorally. Challenges remind a person what areas they made progress and areas he or she needs to make improvements.  For instances, if you gain weight during this stressful situation perhaps coping better by eating healthier and exercising. Take these experiences as guidance on what were some Do's and Dont's for all parties involved.
  
  To all those SUPERVISORS out there....Remember promises and oaths made when you embarked in this leadership position. Being a leader is a Privilege and a calling to make a DIFFERENCE. Do not Misuse your power!! Most importantly, play nice in the sandbox!!!
  
  Employees should identify their self-worth and stances on various ethical dilemmas. Always remember to pick your battles. What are the consequences and gains? How will my decision(s) affect others? Is it worth it? In addition, it is critical to keep ongoing documentation of everything that occur at your workplace because it maybe needed later. Learn EMPLOYEES' RIGHTS especially labor laws and become familiar with any contracts. Identify when to consult a labor union representative. The ultimate decision is to decide how to respond to bullying such as whether or not to continue to resolve it professionally, file a grievance, acquire a lawyer, or quit. Finally, make a decision and do not look back!!
  
  

  

  *Retrieved form Baahitv.com

  
  
  Resources
  
  
  Illinois department of labor - https://www.illinois.gov/idol/Pages/default.aspx
  
  
  Equal Employment Opportunity of Commission - https://www.eeoc.gov
  
  
  Stop Bullying - http://www.stopbullying.gov/laws/illinois.html

THE EVOLUTION OF BULLYING: PAST TO PRESENT

*Retrieved from en.tmci.me/copyright by eschooltoday

Remember the phrase, "Snitches get stitches" heard on the playground growing up? In the past, bullying was when boys or girls wrote nasty comments on bathroom stalls about a person. A boy pulling a girl's bra in the hallway during a passing period. Or a popular jock spreading rumors that he had sex with a particular girl. There were incidences of violence by students but they were much fewer then it is now. Today, bullying techniques are displayed on a forum which is more visible and shared with a larger number of people. Also, we see more incidences of violence by both victims and bullies. Some examples are when a student's hair is cut by another peer, guns and other weapons are brought to school, and students posting suicide notes or videos on Social Media because they are being bullied.

How can we STOP bullying? There are many things we as STUDENTS, PARENTS, and ADULTS can do to STOP this problem. First we, need to understand the problem.

The Cycle of Bullying

The Victim- An individual or a couple of people who are being victimized by a person, pair, or group of people for a particular reason.
Bystanders- People who witness the bullying and take a stands to stop the incident from taking place.
Passive Bystanders- Individuals who witness the bullying but do nothing to stop it.
Followers- Friends of the bully who help carry out bullying behaviors/acts.
The Bully- This is a person or a number of persons who target victim(s) using bullying behaviors such as exclusion/isolation, harassment, intimidation, gossiping, and spreading rumors to name a few.

The bully will use the tactic of Exclusion/Isolation. This is when the bully exclude a particular person(s) from a group for a number of reasons. For example a clique will make a pack amongst themselves to exclude various girls from hanging out with them. Another example is when a group use a LIST to exclude others based on characteristics such as being "Ugly", "Emo", "Geeks", or "THOTs" (Those Hos over There). Another tactic being used is Harassment and Intimidation. This is where a person or group takes items from another student, and bother them in class such as constantly hitting or touching. Also, they may say mean things deliberately to not be heard by the teacher. There are incidences where harassment occur from previous friends of the victim where these friends send anonymous and threatening texts. Gossiping and Spreading Rumors continues to exist to this day. This technique is discussed at school by traditional word of mouth, texts, and spreading rumors in chat rooms. Social Media has exacerbate bullying to a new level of attacking, belittling, and disrespecting where individuals show a lack of remorse for engaging in bullying behaviors. Social Media that may be used are Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, Tumblr, and many more. Also, students use various Apps such as Kirk Messenger, GroupMe, and WhatsApp to name a few. Many of these apps are free, provide unlimited messages, have no restriction on lengths, texts will not show up on individual's phones and these apps are hard to monitor by parents. Lastly, bullies will use Social Media to post videos and pictures of people without their consent.

We all have a role in the cycle of bullying. WE have a choice to make whether or not to ignore, exacerbate the problem, or to stand up. Being knowledgeable of these bullying tactics are detrimental on all those involved......victims.....bullies....bystanders.......passive bystanders...followers, etc., for many reasons. Simply, because we can stop anxiety, social separation, vulnerability, and death of people. We all have a RESPONSIBILITY to help stop bullying. Which Choice will you make?

VISIT THE FOLLOWING LINK TO LEARN MORE ON HOW TO STOP BULLYING.....

*Retrieved form Parentingteenagersacademy.com

https://www.thinglink.com/scene/396874636471566336#tlsite

IS IT SIMPLY THE BLUES?

*Retrieved from Pinterest - Tears of Sadness/Joy

The "blues" can derive from one to many things manifested in someone's life. You may experience a recent breakup, get laid off from your employment of 5 years, get into an argument with a friend, or you failed a major exam. For some, having the "blues" can last for hours to days. Someone with the “blues” might experience sadness longer than expected where he or she cannot simply get over it. The question becomes…Is it simply the blues?

Some people, are wondering what can it be. It is a 10 letter word that is hard for many to say aloud, admit a relative may have it or let alone fabricate having it themselves. It is DEPRESSION (Major Depression). This disorder does not discriminate and it affects anyone regardless of age, gender, racial, and cultural backgrounds.

There are some things to look for to determine whether or not Depression maybe the root of your problem(s). (Note: this is not an exhaustive list and you should always seek immediate help!) 

• Sleep Patterns-  Some people may have problems falling asleep, staying awake, sleeping less or more.

• Appetite- Individuals may stop eating or eat excessively. 

• Energy level- A person may complain of being tired and not performing in their daily activities.

• Interest level- Some people may not desire to participate in their normal routines. 

• Hopelessness- A person may have a negative viewpoint where nothing good will happen and/or having suicidal thoughts. 

• Body Symptoms- Individuals may report experiencing headaches, stomach aches, body aches, etc. 

Here are some resources to consider if you feel like you or someone maybe experiencing Depression. First, contact your medical doctor and set up an appointment. Secondly, identify a support group (e.g., parents, friends, teachers, social workers, mentors, etc.) to help you during this ordeal. Spend time doing positive and healthy activities such as coloring, listening to relaxing music, and exercising. There are a couple of hotline numbers to call when an EMERGENCY arise. For example, you can call the National Hopeline Network at 1-800-784-2433 and the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. In addition, the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) is a great website with a plethora of resources. It is critical to follow up with recommendations made by your medical doctor and to continue using available resources during this time. Keep in mind to seek immediate help when needed for yourself or a love one!! As always, peace be with you!!